Using Self-Empathy To Understand And Forgive Ourselves
We know that empathy allows us to understand and forgive others, but how often do we use self-empathy to truly understand and forgive ourselves? The answer is not often enough. Perfectionism, the fear of failure and anxiety over how others perceive us create pressure that pushes us to overwork, overcommit, and ultimately burn out. Though it may feel counter-intuitive, the same mental chatter that drives our need to be perfect can serve as guides toward self-forgiveness, self-appreciation, and prioritization in order to choose the things that we value most.
What Are Our Priorities?
Each day, we are faced with innumerable choices to make in our personal and professional lives, as well as our roles within society.
“Sign up for the PTA!”
“Register for this professional development seminar!”
“Volunteer at the local soup kitchen!”
While we likely find fulfillment and reward through our contribution in each of these areas, we simply do not have enough bandwidth to choose them all. We have to prioritize, whether there is a clear front-runner choice or all of the options presented to us feel like the right choice.
Give Yourself A Little Grace
In coaching, we talk about how that very feeling of wanting to participate or fear of missing out is a signal of something we value. When we feel upset or disappointed by the inability to prioritize one event over another, what does that say about our values? If we didn’t or couldn’t attend because something else took precedence, what was that thing we prioritized and why? For example, if we didn’t attend the PTA meeting because we had an urgent deliverable at work, that could mean we value our commitment and our relationships with our team and our clients. It’s not that we don’t value the PTA and the relationships within that community, but in this instance, there might be several reasons why it is not the priority. Likewise, there may be times when we need to prioritize family commitments over work commitments. In those times, it is important to stand our ground and honor those commitments too.
Once we become clear on our “why”, we can stay aligned to our values, feel good about saying “No” to create space for “Yes”, and stop the self-sabotaging mental chatter that tells us “I am not enough” or “I am letting people down.”
How To Practice Self-Understanding And Forgiveness
There will be times we spread ourselves thin or choose something that falls short of the top priority. The more often we can practice saying “Yes” to what feels right and forgiving ourselves for not juggling it all, the easier it will become to be unapologetically true to ourselves. How can we break down the process of self-sabotaging thoughts in order to practice self-understanding and forgiveness? Here are some suggestions to get started:
Get clear on our (often recurring) self-sabotaging thoughts. What are they saying and how does that feel? Is there a specific person or thing that triggers these self-sabotaging thoughts?
Acknowledge the self-sabotaging thoughts and where they come from. Honor and appreciate how we feel in that moment. What does the feeling tell us about what we value most?
Don’t compare ourselves to others. Our circumstances are likely not the same, and even if they are, we are different people living our unique experiences. Comparison only serves to derail us from the path to happiness.
Choose what we value and forgive ourselves for prioritizing one thing over the other. In truth, saying “No” often leads to more “Yes” - and it definitely leads to choosing more of the things that are authentically us!
If we still feel disappointed by the outcome, it might be time to shift our priorities so we have capacity to choose what matters most.
With coaching, UpSpiral Leadership® can help you and your teams prioritize the things that keep you energized!
Give us a call to see how: Schedule a discovery call today.